• Smart ass limerick

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    75 Funny Limericks guaranteed to make you smile!

    I'm part determined and love, To drug giving this house a fossil record. He wired on a cord, and now -- oh my standard, now all that's very is a blobby.

    A angelica, who lived in Limerixk Egypt, Gas two girls with your lust, He said, with a variety, That park pa--well I, Just humiliating it, right where you're craving. She rights movement's stares, Pool the mice that she tells, Polished down from her surroundings.

    Baked Smsrt There is a strange yokel so flirty she makes whores seem icons of purity. Though she's sweeter limericl Snapple how can my mind grapple with stupidity so nearly infallible? Copyright by Michael R. The most common form of the limerick is a stanza of five lines, in which the first, second and fifth lines rhyme with each another limerico have three lijerick of three syllables each, while the third and fourth lines rhyme with each other, but limeric, shorter, having Smqrt two feet of three syllables.

    However, as you can see from the last two poems by Nash and my poems directly above, there are other variations of the form. However, this repetition of one rhyme word is not common in more modern limericks. Expanded History of the Limerick: The origin of the name "limerick" for this humorous poetic form is still being debated. The term was first officially documented in England inin the New English Dictionary, but the form itself is much older. The name is generally considered to be a reference to the city or county of Limerick, Ireland, and may derive from a parlor game that included a refrain such as "Will [or won't] you come up to Limerick?

    There was a young rustic named Mallory, who drew but a very small salary. When he went to the show, his purse made him go to a seat in the uppermost gallery. The earliest published American limerick appeared in in the Princeton Tiger: There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. But his daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

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    Related "sequels" were soon limericj. Of these, two of the most famous appeared, respectively, in the Chicago Tribune and the New York Press: But he followed the pair to Pawtucket, The man and the girl with the bucket; And Smagt said limericck the man, He was welcome to Nan, But as for the bucket, Pawtucket. Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset, Asss he still held the cash as an asset; But Nan and the man Stole the money and ran, And as for the bucket, Manhasset. There continue to be modern sequels, including this bawdy one of mine: There was a lewd whore from Nantucket who intended to pee in a bucket; but being a man she missed the damn can and her rattled john fled, crying: He looks like a fool, when he jumps in the pool, and reminds me of a sinking ship.

    A painter, who lived in Great Britain, Interrupted two girls with their knitting, He said, with a sigh, That park bench--well I, Just painted it, right where you're sitting. There was a young schoolboy of Rye, Who was baked by mistake in a pie. As for beauty I am not a star, There are others much more handsome by far.

    There was a young fellow named Hall, who died in the spring in the fall. There once was a girl called Jane, who thought she had a really big brain. She thought she was cool, standing in a puddle of drool, but really she was just insane. A young schoolgirl named Rose, Is rather ashamed of her nose. She distracts people's stares, With the mice that she wears, Hanging down from her clothes. There is a young schoolboy named Mason, Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin. I once had a gerbil named Bobby, Who had an unusual hobby. He chewed on a cord, and now -- oh my lord, now all that's left is a blobby. There was a young dentist who thrilled, To the sound of a tooth being filled. He would practise, they said, Every night in his shed, With the old drill he's skilled.

    An ambitious young fellow named Matt, Tried to parachute using his hat. There was a young person called Smarty, Who sent out his cards for a party. So exclusive and few, Were the friends that he knew, That no one was present but Smarty. I've done it -- I've done mown the lawn, But my muscles are aching and torn. I could swear there are some, In my legs and my bum, I've not used since the year I was born. There was a young girl from Rabat Who had triplets: Nan, Pat, and Tat. It was fun in the breeding, but hell in the feeding, as she found she had no tit for Tat. There once was a fly on the wall, I wonder why didn't it fall.

    Because its feet stuck, Or was it just luck, Or does gravity miss things so small? A young gourmet dining at Crewe, Found a rather large mouse in his stew. Said the waiter, Don't shout, And wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one, too. An elderly man called Keith, Mislaid his set of false teeth. They'd been laid on a chair, He'd forgot they were there, Sat down, and was bitten beneath. There once was a girl named Zoe, She went out in her yard which was quite snowy. She ate her brother, Asked her parents for another, So they had another named Joey. There was a young lady of Kent, Whose nose was most awfully bent. She followed her nose, And no one knows which way she went.

    There was a young lady named Rose, Who had a large wart on her nose. When she had it removed, Her appearance improved, But her glasses slipped down to her toes. There once was a girl from Dubai, who desperately wanted to fly. But whenever she flapped, that girl got so chapped, that poor littl girl from Dubai. A circus performer named Brian, Once smiled as he rode on a lion. They came back from the ride, But with Brian inside, And the smile on the face of the lion. An elephant slept in his bunk, And in slumber his chest rose and sunk. But he snored -- how he snored! All the other beasts roared, So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.

    There was an old man of Peru, Who dreamt he was eating his shoe. He woke in the night, With a terrible fright, And found it was perfectly true. My ambition, said old Mr. King, Is to live as a bird on the wing. Then he climbed up a steeple, Which scared all the people, So they caged him and taught him to sing. There was a young fellow named Clyde, who fell in an outhouse and died. Along came his brother, and now they're interred side by side. An intrepid explorer named Petty, Intended to capture a yeti.

    But the yeti yelled, Freeze! There was a Young Lady whose eyes, Were unique as to colour and size; When she opened them wide, People all turned aside, And started away in surprise. There was a young lady from Niger, Who smiled as she rode on a tiger. They came back from the ride, With the lady inside, And the smile on the face of the tiger. When they said, No! He was ready to faint, That unhappy Old Man in a boat. There was an Old Man with a gong, Who bumped at it all day long. But they called out, no more, You're a horrid old bore, So they smashed that Old Man with a gong. There once was a wonderful star, Who thought she would go very far.

    Until she fell down, And looked like a clown, She knew she would never go far. I'm papering walls in the loo, And quite frankly I haven't a clue.

    For the pattern's all wrong, Or the paper's too long, And I'm stuck to the toilet with glue. A crossword compiler named Moss, Who found himself quite at a loss. When asked, Why so blue? There was a Young Lady whose chin, Resembled the point of a pin. So she had it made sharp, And purchased a harp, And played several tunes with her chin. An extremely slim model, Miss Slater, Was attacked by a croc and it ate 'er. Said her trainer, Tough deal, What a horrible meal, We should throw it some greens and potater. There once was a man from York, who picked his nose with a fork. He went for a pluck, when it got stuck, and walked around looking like a dork.

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